A month has gone by

OK so technically it's been over a month but, I'm still getting the hang of this. I've been busy being a mommy, moving back into my awesome mommy's house, starting my new position at work and taking in all the changes that this year has brought me.

On of those changes include me opening my heart and mind to something new but not so new. He has been in my life for 10 years. Not only as a wonderful friend but he has been there unconditionally and has always had a crush. Crush might be understating it but I feel that is appropriate. For ten years we tried off and on to make a relationship work but it just never happened. To be honest it was always me running away. I never knew why I would do this but deep inside I knew there was a reason.

We met as innocent 15 and 16 year old and here we are today as grown up. 25 and 26 both of us with a kid. He gone through a divorce and me having gone through two major relationships. The second blessing me with my beautiful baby boy. I now am understanding why I pushed him away all this time. I was immature and not ready to have such a responsible and perfect for me man.

I am truly blessed.

The Holidays

Gabriel and I had a fantastic New Years. We went to our aunts house and spent it there with family and friends. I expected to be upset or feel down but not one bit. I had a great time and we were there until 6 am!!! As soon as Gabriel woke up we left and he actually let me sleep until 9:30 :)

I am now back to work and enjoying a back to normal schedule Monday thru Friday 8-5 Whooo hooo! Well it's actally mixed feelings. With my old schedule I had Gabriel all to my self for a whole 2 weeks out of the month. We I will learn to get used to it.

Back to fun stuff.

Gabriel has become so active! He is now STANDING all on his own. Ok well maybe not completely on his own but he gets up to his knees and I help him the rest of the way.

I love this little guy!

Ohh and someone help him understand he is supposed to sleep through the night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to get used to this

My little bubba!

I know I started this blog as a way to express my feelings and thoughts but I just can't find the energy to do this. Wow I meanit's been less than a month that I started and I'm already trying to give up. I soooo have to find my "blogger style".

I've been reading certain blogs that not only inspired me to start writing my own but have already helped me grow and get through this drastic change. I never know that blogs like this one and specially this one. All I had to do was Google the words Single Mom and the wonderful world of blogging came into my life.  Ta Daaa ( in a musical way) is what I heard once I started reading the life stories of these women that I immediately felt connected to.

I just wanted to thank the amazing women that are putting their life out on the World Wide Web and allowing us to tap into it.


Side Note:

Tonight my closest friends (a few single and childless, the live in couples, and happily married couple with a child) are having a Christmas get together at a nice restaurant that I would love to go to. Unfortunately my everyother Saturday night babysitter aka my mom has plans tonight so I will have to pass.

I feel so disconnected from all of my "closest" friends. I mean the last time I spoke to one of them. She casually tells me that they were at "happily married with a child"'s house and I quote "it was all couples we had so much fun" after that all I heard was blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

Do you really feel the need to dig those claws so deeply into my heart and remind me that I am SINGLE!!!

Grrrrrrrr I'm sure I will get over it.

Eventually.

Blah

The Dreaded Text

" I wanted to see my boy and talk with you. But it seems we cant even talk. I feel really with everything that happened with us and I didn't just lose my heart I lost my good friend. Im sorry for all the wrong things Ive done and pray one day you can forgive me in your heart."



Ummmmm HELLO!!! You made the decicions to leave us what are you talking about weirdo.

Why are men so dumb? After being together for 5 years you were the one who decided to leave your four month old baby and fiance. Why do I have to feel bad that you are all of a sudden feeling guilty. lonely, horny or who know's what.

I knew it was going to come but I really didn't expect the "dreaded text" to come so soon and not only that while sober.

My response:
"The baby is asleep. You can come by to talk if you want. I've alread forgiven you. I dont feel any type of grudge. I'm just sad taht you weren't willing to try to work this out for Gabriel. I was more than open and willing to try anything for our family."

To all of you who will receive this "dreaded text" think wisely before responding.

I think I did not think this through
Ohhh wellll.

Day One

So today marks day one.

Day one of what will hopefully help me get through this journey or shall I call it experience, chapter, or whatever it is I am dealing with.
Well, it is the third day of December and, it has been 38 days since I officially became a single mother, A single mother to a beautiful, smart and chunky little 5 month and 3 week old baby boy.
This morning started like any other.
1) My alarm goes off at 6:15
2) I run to check on Gabriel (secretly hoping he is awake so I can see his toothless smile.
3) Still asleep so I go turn on the pot and start cooking his veggies for the day and jump in the shower.
4) I get dressed and check on him one more time. Still nothing
5) Make his baby food (carrots and potatoes) for the day
6) Get Gabe out of his crib and of to the sitter we go.

What I failed to mention is that today I woke up dreading to look at my account balance. The fear I am sure the majority of single mothers have felt at least once since the baby was born.

$815.65 is my account balance and why is this problem?

Rent      $875 due TODAY
Internet $  95 due 2 weeks ago
Energy   $105 due 1 week ago

Next paycheck is 7 days away!!!

I guess it could be worse but, this has never happened to me. I really didn't know what to do. So I chose to send my dad a message and he helped me out with $200. Thanks daddy!

For the first time I am seeing how difficult it can be financially to be a single mommy.