I have to get used to this

My little bubba!

I know I started this blog as a way to express my feelings and thoughts but I just can't find the energy to do this. Wow I meanit's been less than a month that I started and I'm already trying to give up. I soooo have to find my "blogger style".

I've been reading certain blogs that not only inspired me to start writing my own but have already helped me grow and get through this drastic change. I never know that blogs like this one and specially this one. All I had to do was Google the words Single Mom and the wonderful world of blogging came into my life.  Ta Daaa ( in a musical way) is what I heard once I started reading the life stories of these women that I immediately felt connected to.

I just wanted to thank the amazing women that are putting their life out on the World Wide Web and allowing us to tap into it.


Side Note:

Tonight my closest friends (a few single and childless, the live in couples, and happily married couple with a child) are having a Christmas get together at a nice restaurant that I would love to go to. Unfortunately my everyother Saturday night babysitter aka my mom has plans tonight so I will have to pass.

I feel so disconnected from all of my "closest" friends. I mean the last time I spoke to one of them. She casually tells me that they were at "happily married with a child"'s house and I quote "it was all couples we had so much fun" after that all I heard was blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

Do you really feel the need to dig those claws so deeply into my heart and remind me that I am SINGLE!!!

Grrrrrrrr I'm sure I will get over it.

Eventually.

Blah

The Dreaded Text

" I wanted to see my boy and talk with you. But it seems we cant even talk. I feel really with everything that happened with us and I didn't just lose my heart I lost my good friend. Im sorry for all the wrong things Ive done and pray one day you can forgive me in your heart."



Ummmmm HELLO!!! You made the decicions to leave us what are you talking about weirdo.

Why are men so dumb? After being together for 5 years you were the one who decided to leave your four month old baby and fiance. Why do I have to feel bad that you are all of a sudden feeling guilty. lonely, horny or who know's what.

I knew it was going to come but I really didn't expect the "dreaded text" to come so soon and not only that while sober.

My response:
"The baby is asleep. You can come by to talk if you want. I've alread forgiven you. I dont feel any type of grudge. I'm just sad taht you weren't willing to try to work this out for Gabriel. I was more than open and willing to try anything for our family."

To all of you who will receive this "dreaded text" think wisely before responding.

I think I did not think this through
Ohhh wellll.

Day One

So today marks day one.

Day one of what will hopefully help me get through this journey or shall I call it experience, chapter, or whatever it is I am dealing with.
Well, it is the third day of December and, it has been 38 days since I officially became a single mother, A single mother to a beautiful, smart and chunky little 5 month and 3 week old baby boy.
This morning started like any other.
1) My alarm goes off at 6:15
2) I run to check on Gabriel (secretly hoping he is awake so I can see his toothless smile.
3) Still asleep so I go turn on the pot and start cooking his veggies for the day and jump in the shower.
4) I get dressed and check on him one more time. Still nothing
5) Make his baby food (carrots and potatoes) for the day
6) Get Gabe out of his crib and of to the sitter we go.

What I failed to mention is that today I woke up dreading to look at my account balance. The fear I am sure the majority of single mothers have felt at least once since the baby was born.

$815.65 is my account balance and why is this problem?

Rent      $875 due TODAY
Internet $  95 due 2 weeks ago
Energy   $105 due 1 week ago

Next paycheck is 7 days away!!!

I guess it could be worse but, this has never happened to me. I really didn't know what to do. So I chose to send my dad a message and he helped me out with $200. Thanks daddy!

For the first time I am seeing how difficult it can be financially to be a single mommy.